Reading Recap 2023: My Reading Life Needs Candy Too

It may be February, long after all the end of year wrap up posts have disappeared from the algorithms, yet here I am to highlight a few books from my 2023 reading life. In previous recaps, I’ve examined the breakdown between ebooks and print, the total number of books I’ve read, and the various categories my reading fell into. This time, I’ll just say that I read a lot of books in 2023, more than I have in several years, and a huge number of them were brain candy books, books gave me a spike of happiness and took little effort to read, because it was a difficult year. (Although most of the books I’m highlighting are the opposite and totally worth it.)

For me, brain candy books are essential to my reading life, just as heavy hitting nonfiction or tense survival stories are. I’m finally accepting that my real life affects my reading life, instead of trying so hard to push through a book that might not be right for my current state of being. I abandoned quite a few books, found several new authors whose backlists I’m still working through, and had some months where I roared through an astonishing number of books and other months where my reading pace was much more measured. Plus I moved at the end of 2022, so one of my great joys of 2023 was diving wholeheartedly into a new library and falling in love with it.

Longtime readers of my recaps will remember that I read a huge variety of books and therefore issue a blanket content warning for all of them, and that holds true, so if you have questions about a book, ask away!

The Best Survival Story:

The River by Peter Heller

Two college friends on a wilderness canoe trip soon find themselves racing a wildfire back to safety, while also encountering a man and woman under mysterious circumstances. This is a survival story, a man versus nature and man versus man story, but with a deep and powerful male friendship at its center. It’s short and beautifully written, filled with vivid word pictures of the river and Jack and Wynn’s fight to survive. I’ve never visited the Maskwa River in real life, but now I feel as though I’ve paddled the river myself.

The Best Non-Fiction:

Bloodlands: Europe Between Hitler and Stalin by Timothy Snyder

Millions of people were murdered in the lands between Germany and Russia before, during, and after World War II as Hitler and Stalin carried out their monstrous agendas. This book could also be the saddest book or the book I learned the most from, but it is truly an outstanding work of non-fiction. Most of the records and evidence of these genocides fell behind the Iron Curtain after the war, and Timothy Snyder pulls together the many threads to expose the killings for what they truly were and why they happened. Between Hitler and Stalin, no ethnicity or nationality was spared, and the devastation reverberates to this day.

Bonus: Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman

A productivity book unlike any you’ve read before that embraces finitude and the reality that the to do list will never be complete and we can never prioritize all of our priorities.

The Best Thriller:

The Lost Man by Jane Harper

In outback Queensland, two brothers meet at the stockman’s grave where their other brother fought to survive, and the family’s precarious stability disintegrates under their grief and questions. Nathan, the main character, isolated and struggling, begins piecing together what happened to his brother and long buried family secrets come to light in the process. The outback is central to this story, from the shape of the characters’ lives to the ways they think and behave. I love survival as a theme, and this book delivered in spades, but it’s also an family story laden with atmosphere and mystery.

Best Coming of Age Story:

Mary Jane by Jessica Anya Blau

Set in 1970s Baltimore, fourteen-year-old Mary Jane takes a summer job as a nanny for a psychiatrist only to discover a whole new world when a rock star moves into her employers’ house for treatment. She shows them the wonders of regular family dinners and a tidy house and they introduce her to rock-and-roll, group therapy, and ways of seeing the world that do not align with the neatly ordered, rigid life her parents lead. This is a beautiful slice of life story with messy, imperfect characters who (mostly) care deeply about each other, and by the end, Mary Jane has stepped out of girlhood and toward womanhood with a new perspective on life and being a person.

The Saddest Book:

Good Morning, Monster: A Therapist Shares Five Heroic Stories of Emotional Recovery by Catherine Gildiner

A therapist narrates the stories of five of her patients, who have experienced enormous traumas and yet have the courage to seek healing. Each patient comes to Catherine Gildiner with a specific issue they want to address, but over time the therapeutic process leads both therapist and patient to the deep, crippling emotional wounds that are the root of their struggles. Writing with compassion and clarity, Gildiner does not whitewash the sometimes brutally painful process of therapy and her own mistakes, yet showcases her patients’ tremendous efforts to overcome their struggles. The story I found most compelling was Danny’s, a First Nations man who survived a residential school and slowly reconnected with his community and indigenous identity. While this book needs a content warning for major childhood abuse, it also has hope woven into every story.

The Best Historical Fiction:

Here Be Dragons by Sharon Kay Penman

Joanna, illegitimate daughter of King John, marries Llewelyn, prince of thirteenth-century North Wales, to secure an uneasy truce and is then torn between the two powerful, charismatic men as they battle over Welsh independence. The turbulent era of King John’s reign is on full display on both a national scale and a personal, intimate level, through the eyes of his daughter. This book is meticulously researched, gorgeously crafted, and filled with brilliant characterization – and all of it is actual medieval history. Respected as a masterful historical fiction writer, Sharon Kay Penman takes the reader straight into the heart of medieval England and Wales in all their messy glory.

I also devoured Jill Duggar Dillard and Prince Harry’s memoirs and a thoughtful book dissecting purity culture and its impact, plus finally finished an epic fantasy series that I’d started several years ago. But if you want to know what else I’m reading, come find me on Goodreads! You’ll see a steady stream of books as I add to my infinite TBR as well as the books I read monthly, sometimes with a rave review, sometimes with a grumpy one, sometimes just handing out half stars (I refuse to be limited in my star ratings).

This year I’m experimenting with a new system for choosing my next reads, tackling Shakespeare’s earliest play, and trying to find the exact right translation of War and Peace without resorting to Amazon. Here’s to another year of finishing series and devouring books I fall in love with.

Happy reading!

Reading Recap 2022: In Which I Read Many Ebooks

It’s the time of year where I look back at the books I read before the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve and share the ones that stood out, in an effort to persuade you to read one or two.

Despite my resolution at the beginning of 2022 to read fewer ebooks, I read even more of them than in 2021. Que sera, sera. I enjoyed my reading life, so that’s what matters! I read 127 books, 81 ebooks and 46 print. Here’s where I tell you that I had a huge reading slump for the last two months of the year, due to moving stress and seasonal depression. But never fear, I still managed to devour two types of fiction: fanfiction and one particular author’s thriller/suspense books. In fact, I read 16 of her books within about 10 weeks (all ebooks). I call that binge reading, personally, especially as not one of those books received a place in this list, but I’ll take the reading where I can get it.

Usually I issue a blanket content warning for everything I read, which I still am (ask if you have questions!), but this year I’m also issuing a specific content warning for the suspense/thriller books, if you are inclined to seek them out. They contain many varieties of dark content, so ye be warned.

The Book I Learned the Most From:

The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey

Christians think we know Jesus, yet often we know a sanitized, vague version of God become man who turned the world upside down, and rarely do we truly understand the historical Jesus. He is God, and he also was a Jewish man who lived and died in a volatile, complex land and era in history. Two thousand years distant, we simply don’t understand the cultural elements and tensions that he spoke to specifically. Yet do we recognize what it means for him to be God, either? He is gentle and fierce, human and God, eternal and historical. Philip Yancey explores the Jesus of the New Testament, leaving preconceived churchy notions behind, and finds a complex man at the center of a religion that so often fails to follow him. As C.S. Lewis would say, he isn’t safe, but he is good.

Bonus: The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth by Beth Allison Barr

A medieval history scholar draws back the curtain on the modern concept of biblical womanhood through tracing its origin and bringing the history of women in the medieval church to light.

The Best Historical Fiction:

Queen of Swords by Judith Tarr

Seen through the eyes of the young noblewoman Richildis, Melisande, heir to the Crusader Kingdom because she has no brothers, fights to rule Jerusalem as queen despite the law that requires her marriage and subordination to her husband. This book’s plot follows the actual historical events of Melisande’s reign, from battles to the crusade of Louis VII of France and Eleanor of Aquitaine, but is narrated by fictional characters with a front row seat to history. I loved the stories of Bertrand and Richildis, a brother and sister who arrived in Jerusalem separately for reasons strongly at odds with each other, and delighted in learning the history of the Crusader Kingdom under the rule of Melisande and her son Baldwin III. Very much a character-driven story, with beautiful depictions of the Holy Land and Byzantium, I fell in love with this book.

The Most Fun Book:

Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come: An Introvert’s Year of Living Dangerously by Jessica Pan

A shy introverted writer decides to spend one year living like a gregarious extrovert and takes up various challenges such as improv classes, making friends while traveling, and hosting a dinner party. Along the way she discovers long stifled elements of her own personality and friendships in places she never dreamed of enjoying. Unlike Jessica Pan, I have never lived internationally, but I too am a shy introverted writer who sometimes has to fight my natural tendency to be a silent wallflower wishing for a dynamic social life. Reading about her bravery and panicked responses to some of the situations she ends up in made me laugh and cringe and nod enthusiastically. For me, this book was not only a fun read, but also motivating and inspiring.

The Best Fantasy:

The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold

A former soldier returns to the court where he spent his boyhood and ultimately finds himself in the center of a deadly intrigue that transcends the physical world to the realm of the divine. Cazaril is a broken man after his experiences as a prisoner, but when the Royesse Iselle needs his service, he comes face to face with the darkest of magic and terrible treachery. This book stands out in the epic fantasy genre because the characters carry incredible depth and their relationships feel so true. Cazaril himself is an unusual fantasy hero; his strength lies in his humility, compassion, and loyalty, and he is not cynical or brutal, because this is not an action story. Beautifully written with powerful explorations of love, faith, and religion, this book ought to be a fantasy classic.

Bonus: The Witness for the Dead by Katherine Addison

In this stand-alone sequel to The Goblin Emperor, Thara Celehar uses his small ability to speak to the recent dead to serve the common people of his city, which soon puts him squarely in the center of several treacherous mysteries.

The Best Spiritual Book:

Simply Tuesday: Small-Moment Living in a Fast-Moving World by Emily P. Freeman

Life happens most on the Tuesdays that are ordinary and small, which so often feel pointless and too slow for the fast paced hustle of our world, but Emily P. Freeman calls us to meet Jesus in the quiet simplicity of the ordinary. In church, on social media, in conversation with friends, the push for bigger and bolder and faster living leans heavy on our souls. It’s easy to feel that doing the dishes or running errands or volunteering for kid’s ministry again doesn’t mean much and that we should probably do something radical for God. Yet what if we meet Jesus and further his kingdom most in these quiet ordinary moments? Reading this book was a breath of fresh air and good for my soul.

The Best Memoir:

Crossing the Line: A Fearless Team of Brothers and the Sport That Changed Their Lives Forever by Kareem Rosser

A Black boy and his brothers living in Philadelphia find a riding stable in the heart of the hood and dive into the sport of polo, changing their lives forever. In America, polo is a sport typically reserved for wealthy white people, due to the sheer amount of money and access it takes to pursue. Yet Kareem, a boy struggling to hold his family together despite the poverty and violence of their neighborhood, leads his team to become the first all-black squad to win the National Interscholastic Polo championship. As a Certified Horse Lover™, I’m a total sap for any true story involving horses. Kareem tells his story and his family’s story so well, from the tragedy to the long, hard struggle to the sheer joy of riding. My life has never been anything like Kareem’s, but I deeply resonate with his experience of the power of a horse to fill in the cracks in one’s soul.

Other books I enjoyed last year include one on sleep that guilted me into going to bed early for about five nights, an old favorite by L.M. Montgomery that is sheer wish fulfillment, and a small philosophical book on self-deception in the Christian life.

Come join me on Goodreads so that I can haunt your reading life with the desperation of someone who has 1600+ books on her TBR and yet is always searching for more. Or, you know, so you can read my sometimes gushing and often snarky reviews, usually posted at the beginning of each month.

I’m jumpstarting my 2023 reading life by finally finishing the four library books I’ve had checked out for almost two months, and maybe this will be the year I read the last book in seven different series I’ve been in the middle of for years. Or War and Peace. You know, dreaming big.

Happy reading!

A Review, Part I: The Explicit Gospel? Not Likely.

See Parts II, III, IV, and V.

Two years ago my small group attempted to read The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler. I say attempted, because we voted to abandon it halfway through. The book upset me on many levels: as a Christian, as a writer, as someone trained in literary analysis, and as a woman. Hence the existence of this thorough and lengthy book review. Does this book have good qualities? Perhaps, but the bad heavily outweighs the good. This book is not the explicit gospel and will do more harm than good to those who read it.

To begin, some facts about the book: it was published in 2012 by Crossway; endorsed by James MacDonald, Mark Dever, Ed Stetzer, and Rick Warren, among others; and is 240 pages. Matt Chandler is the lead pastor at The Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas (a Southern Baptist church), and president of the Acts 29 Network.

Chandler looks at the gospel from two vantage points, which he calls the gospel on the ground and the gospel in the air. The gospel on the ground “traces the Biblical narrative of God, Man, Christ, Response…we see clearly the work of the cross in our lives and the lives of those around us.” (16) The gospel in the air is the meta-narrative, “reveal[ing] to us the big picture of God’s plan of restoration from the beginning of time to the end of time and the redemption of his creation.” (16)

The Gospel on the Ground

Chapter one’s focus is God, who is depicted as a terrifying, narcissistic glory hound, the focus on his power and sovereignty. Chandler writes, “From beginning to end, the Scriptures reveal that the foremost desire of God’s heart is not our salvation but rather the glory of his own name.” (33-34) How does he define glory? He doesn’t. He tells us about God’s transcendent creativity, his sovereign knowing, his perfect self-sufficiency, and his glorious self-regard, but he does not define glory. God doesn’t need us; God reigns supreme, he says. “This world is not present…so that you and I might be saved or lost but so that God might be glorified in his infinite perfections.” (34)

But this depiction of God is incomplete and therefore terribly warped. God says of himself in Exodus 34 that he is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion, and sin while punishing the guilty, yet Chandler mentions none of these attributes.

After describing God’s power, creativity, and sovereignty, he provides a list of Bible verses to prove that God’s glory is his chief concern (34-35). Yet the Psalms tell us over and over that God is worthy of praise and glory because he is good, because he is love, because of his great deeds, and because he is sovereign. Describing only the omnipotence and glorious self-regard of God reduces our majestic loving Father to a monstrous deity who regards us as insignificant gnats next to his own glory.

How can this book explain the explicit gospel when it does not tell the whole truth of who God is?

Chapter two focuses on man – our belittlement of his name and turning away from him and God’s severity toward us as a result. Chandler introduces the idea of humanity’s total depravity, which colors every chapter in the rest of the book.

Rather than give equal emphasis to God’s kindness toward fallen humanity and his severity toward us, as Paul does in Romans 11:22, Chandler brushes by God’s kindness with a few quick words about how we “get that stuff somewhat readily” (40) and then spends page after page describing God’s severity and wrath and the horrors of hell (41-51).

Ironically, given the preceding pages, he says, “You cannot scare anyone into heaven. Heaven is not a place for those who are afraid of hell; it’s a place for those who love God.” (49) Yet two pages prior, he paraphrases Jesus as saying in Luke 12:4-5, “Seriously? You’re afraid of what people think of you more than you’re afraid of me? You’re afraid of what people can do to you rather than what I can do to you? You’re more afraid of how people might perceive you than how I perceive you? Are you serious? Listen, the worst they can do is kill you.” (47)

If that is not scaring people into heaven, I don’t know what is. Chapter two contains not a single reference to imago dei, that we are image-bearers of God, not a single mention that we are beloved by him. In Luke 12:6-7, Jesus tells his disciples not to be afraid, that they are more valuable to God than the sparrows that He cares for. Divorcing verses 4 and 5 from verses 6 and 7 paints a false picture of God’s love. Do we deserve that love? The answer is both yes and no: we are fallen sinners who have wandered far from God, and yet God has said we are precious and worth the sacrifice of his son, therefore by his decree we are worthy.

Christianity is full of paradoxes: humanity is broken and depraved and made in the image of God; God is holy and mighty and love; God knows every choice every human will make and humans are free to make those choices; we are distanced from God because of our brokenness and he bridged that distance with his great love.

How can this book explain the explicit gospel when it does not tell the whole truth of who humanity is?

Chapter three is centered on Christ the sacrificial lamb. After a brief discussion of the horror of the crucifixion, Chandler wades through the Old Testament and the sacrifices God required of Israel: “And in the tent of meetings and in Jerusalem, blood was always flowing. Blood constantly coursed out of slashed arteries and flowed from the temple. Can you imagine the stench in Jerusalem? Can you imagine hundreds and thousands of people regularly carrying a goat, a lamb, a chicken, or a dove into the place of sacrifice and cutting its throat and draining its blood? A river of blood is flowing out of the temple.” (60-61)

Jesus was the perfect sacrifice, the sacrifice to end all others, to appease God’s wrath. How odd that in a chapter titled “Jesus,” the only description of Jesus is as a bloody sacrifice, e.g., “The blade of God’s wrath penetrates the Son and bleeds him, and he absorbs the wrath of God toward mankind.” (62)

Jesus is a person, who lived and breathed and had an entire life and ministry before his death. Jesus is God, Jesus is Messiah, Jesus is active and present and real. He is not a bleating sheep helplessly sent off to be sacrificed to a vengeful God on behalf of mewling humanity. He walked among us and chose to give himself up. He is Lord. Jesus’ life and ministry are vital to his message; treating the cross as the only event in Jesus’ life relevant to the gospel is cherry picking.

Equally disturbing as the way Jesus is treated in this chapter is the way Chandler fixates on the cross as the entire gospel. “The cross now stands as the central tenet of all we believe about salvation,” he says. (58) But without the resurrection, without Jesus conquering death and rising again, the cross means nothing. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15, “And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith…And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins.”

A gospel without the resurrection is not the gospel at all. Jesus defeated sin and death by dying and rising again, not by sacrificing himself on the cross alone. The cross and the resurrection cannot be separated; to ignore the resurrection is to preach a false gospel. In this entire book, the resurrection is mentioned only eight times, always as a brief aside, and not once in this chapter.

This chapter is full of heavy-handed, twisted penal substitutionary atonement theology. Penal substitutionary atonement is defined as the atonement theory that Jesus died on the cross as a substitute for sinners. God directed his wrath at Jesus, who bore the guilt of our sins and the weight of our punishment on our behalf. God’s wrath was satisfied by Jesus’ sacrifice and God now forgives sinners freely without compromising his righteousness.

This doctrine as depicted in this book is horrifying. Kyle J. Howard points out that without the unity of the Trinity, the Godhead acting with one will, this doctrine is abusive. God pouring wrath onto Jesus as his hapless victim is not the same thing as “the Godhead working together to accomplish a goal.” He says, “When preachers & theologians discuss the Cross, & do so [through] personally punitive language [between] The Father & The Son; they are misrepresenting Trinitarian relations that lead to blasphemy & profound harm.”

Chandler pays lip service to this issue and cites John 10:18 (58), yet uses “personally punitive language” throughout the book, including mere paragraphs prior to his caveat: “The cross of Christ was God’s idea. The death of Jesus was God’s idea…the cross of Christ cast its shadow across all of eternity. It was the predetermined plan of God. The death of Jesus, the wrath-absorbing cross of Christ, was the plan of God before creation.” (57-58)

The Trinity is a minor detail in this depiction of the cross, mentioned in two sentences in this chapter, and not even listed in the book’s index. Nor is there any discussion of Jesus as our Savior and Messiah, also missing from the index.

How can this book explain the explicit gospel when it ignores the resurrection and reduces Jesus to a bloody sacrifice subject to divine punishment rather than one member of the Godhead choosing to give himself up for humanity?

Chapter four looks at humanity’s response to everything that Chandler has described so far: God, Man, and Christ. Our response, Chandler says, is far too often a works-based faith, “people who have been conformed to a pattern of religious behavior but not transformed by the Holy Spirit of God.” (72)

The response he chooses to focus on is based in Isaiah 6, where God instructs Isaiah to tell the people their hearts will be dull and unresponsive to the Lord, and backed up by Matthew 13, the parable of the sower, and Acts 2, Peter’s sermon on the day of Pentecost. He uses these texts to prove his point that the gospel is not seeker-sensitive, that “we are never, ever, ever going to make Christianity so cool that everybody wants it.” (80)

This leads directly to the idea that God hardens hearts (71), that “the hearer of the gospel is responsible for his response, but God is responsible for his ability to do so,” that “blessed are the eyes that see and the ears that hear because the Spirit of God has opened them to do so.” (77)

Let’s be clear: this is only one theological perspective among many that Christians throughout history and throughout the world have held to. The idea that God chooses who will be saved and who will not respond to the gospel is unconditional election, the U in the acronym TULIP, which sums up the basic doctrines of Calvinism. This flows directly into the L for limited atonement – Christ died only for the sins of the elect, or those chosen by God for saving.

These doctrines pop up throughout the entire book, despite Chandler mentioning nowhere that the gospel he is presenting is rooted in a twisted version of Calvinism. This chapter includes only a brief mention of irresistible grace (I): “It is all of grace that some do hear” (77) and of course always comes back to total depravity (T): “Because we are stained with sin from conception, we are rushing headlong into the fires of hell before we can even walk.” (64) This assertion leaves no room for the concept of the age of accountability.

The book does not even mention the extraordinary beauty of the gospel, the love and forgiveness and new life Christ offers us that draw us to the gospel. It instead implies that because the gospel is offensive and bloody, only through God choosing to soften hearts will anyone respond to it. Certainly no one would be drawn to respond to this version of the gospel of their own accord!

I am not debating Calvinism in this review. Many Christians hold fast to these doctrines and it is no reflection either positive or negative on their commitment to Jesus, particularly since the Calvinist theology within this book is so one-dimensional and limited. But I find Chandler to be intellectually dishonest because he fails entirely to acknowledge that he is presenting one specific theological tradition as the gospel and insisting that only this theological tradition in all its minutia is the real gospel.

Now, if your heart is not hardened to the gospel but is instead softened, this chapter does not allow you to rest in and be transformed by Christ’s magnificent love for you and completed work through his death and resurrection. Instead, “we must test ourselves to see if we are in the faith” (84) and “be very careful about going to church, reading [our] Bible[s], saying prayers, doing good deeds, and reading books like this through anything but faith in the living Lord.” (85)

How utterly exhausting. There is no joy, no life, no freedom in this response to the gospel. Did Jesus not say that he came so that we would have abundant life? Did Paul not say that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free? Focusing intently on your motivations for doing good works should not be your primary response to the Good News.

How can this book explain the explicit gospel when it describes a response to the gospel completely devoid of transformation and new life in Christ?

Reading Recap 2021: Three Stars All Around

Last year was a strange reading year. I enjoyed most of the books I read, but didn’t love very many of them. I read 121 books and while I’m glad I read nearly all of them, I’m not sure how many will stick with me. Fiction particularly took a hit, which is sad because I love novels! How this happened, I’m not sure, although perhaps I read too many ebooks (59), which tend to be books I’m not quite as excited about. Of course, we can always blame it on the pandemic! To reinvigorate my reading life, my only reading goal for 2022 is to read a lot of books that make me love them (definitely fewer ebooks).

But never fear, I still have some standout books to highlight. As always, keep in mind that I read a wide variety of books with a wide variety of content, so here’s your blanket content warning for any books you see from me. If you have questions about a specific book, ask away!

The Most Fun Book:

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson

A young woman accepts a job as caretaker to her old schoolmate’s twin stepchildren, who burst into flames when they get agitated. Lillian doesn’t really believe Madison when she says the kids spontaneously combust, but it’s true, and very inconvenient for Madison’s husband’s political ambitions. So Lillian leaves her dead-end job behind and spends the summer bonding with a pair of kids as lonely as she is, putting out fires both real and emotional. With the wild premise and Lillian’s strong character voice, I’ve never had so much fun reading about humans doing the best they can with what they’ve got.

The Best Non-Fiction:

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb

A therapist tells the stories of four of her patients as she also grapples with a devastating breakup and her own journey through therapy. Lori Gottlieb pulls back the curtain on the experience of therapy, offering an intimate look into one therapist’s personal and professional life and four ordinary people’s private worlds. I was particularly moved by John’s story, a man deeply reluctant to face the pain buried deep in his life, who frustrates Gottlieb with his well honed aversion tactics until he at last begins to reveal himself. Life isn’t easy, even for a therapist, but we all can face it better with someone who walks with us through what we struggle with most.

Bonus: Talking Back to Purity Culture: Rediscovering Faithful Christian Sexuality by Rachel Joy Welcher

Rachel Welcher examines the complex and heavy legacy of purity culture that framed the way an entire generation of evangelicals saw lust, modesty, sex, dating, marriage, and God.

The Best Memoir:

The Sun Does Shine: How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row by Anthony Ray Hinton

Anthony Ray Hinton was convicted in 1985 of two murders he did not commit, and spent 30 years on death row before finally winning his freedom. He fought the absolute injustice of his imprisonment through silence, through the legal system, through building relationships with the other prisoners on death row, and through his faith. The total lack of control he had over his situation would be enough to drive anyone mad, particularly as he faced blatant racism in the legal system again and again. Yet his story is one of choosing hope, even through the grief and anger and despair. His writing is raw and powerful and gave me chills.

The Book That Kinda Exploded My Head:

God’s Word to Women by Katharine C. Bushnell

Originally published in 1921, this groundbreaking work of theology thoroughly exposits Scripture regarding women and the many ways those same scriptures have been twisted to oppress women. Katharine Bushnell spent years working for reform on behalf of trafficked women, fighting the men who brutalized them in India, in logging camps across the US, and throughout East Asia. She could not reconcile these men’s professed Christianity with what they did to women, and finally concluded that Christianity itself was distorted through the lens of patriarchy. This book is the culmination of her years of studying the Bible in its original languages and its historical context, and I could read it fifty times without fully understanding everything in it. One major area of Scripture she delves into is what it means to take God’s command that “man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife” literally. I promise, you’ve never heard any of this in church or Bible study.

Bonus: Jesus and John Wayne: How Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation by Kristin Kobes Du Mez

Seventy-five years of evangelical culture and theology crescendoed in the 2016 presidential election, the emphasis on militancy and patriarchy embedded in evangelicalism since its very beginning.

The Book I Learned the Most From: Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland by Patrick Radden Keefe

In 1972, as a bloody sectarian war raged in Northern Ireland, a mother of ten was dragged from her home, and her children never saw her again. The violent thirty-year conflict known as the Troubles turned city blocks into war zones and ordinary citizens into terrorists and martyrs. Patrick Keefe traces the history of this war through bombings, hunger strikes, the fierce loyalty of the IRA to their cause, to finally the uneasy peace in 1998. Impeccably researched, his sources hammer home just how recent this history truly is, and how it affects Northern Ireland and its people to this day. Riveting, tragic, and brutal – if you like history, you must read this book.

Bonus: Can’t Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation by Anne Helen Petersen

While millennials were maligned for years as lazy kids living in their parents’ basements, the truth involves far more hustle and student loans and productivity and exhaustion than older generations gave them credit for, as the drastic shifts in the American employment landscape made the very nature of work inescapable.

The Other Best Memoir: What is a Girl Worth: My Story of Breaking the Silence and Exposing the Truth about Larry Nassar and USA Gymnastics by Rachael Denhollander

In 2017, Larry Nassar was convicted of sexual assault, but it took years and hundreds of victims before Rachael Denhollander and other survivors finally won their fight for justice. Now Denhollander is an incredible advocate for survivors of sexual abuse, but her story begins as she herself is abused as a child. Most of us have no idea how difficult it is to report abuse or assault, let alone face the incompetence and hostility of the very institutions that should keep us safe. This book describes that battle in painstaking detail, from the powerful moment when Nassar is sentenced to the horrific personal toll Denhollander experienced. As story after story of abuse emerges from all corners of our society, this book is a must read for anyone who cares about victims of abuse.

I still happily recommend the books that I rated three stars, because even if I didn’t love them, you might! Come join me on Goodreads and check them out! At the beginning of each month I update with my reads from the previous month, and I’m always adding to my TBR. And I do enjoy writing snarky or gushing reviews for books that irritated me or made me fall in love.

Other reads I enjoyed were the several urban fantasy series I devoured, the Israeli spy series that I’ve almost caught up with, the mermaid horror novel, the middle grade novel tackling very heavy themes, and the lovely book on writing and faith by Madeleine L’Engle.

My 2022 reading life is already off to a good start, with five library books in my possession that range in topic from the enneagram to historical fiction to a horse biography. I’m also about to jump into a memoir by someone who grew up in foster care. I’m definitely biased, but I think there’s no better way to spend a cold winter evening than curled up under a blanket with a good book.

Happy reading!

Reading Recap 2020: When the Library is Closed

Welcome to my annual recap of what I read last year! Despite the title of this post, I did read a great many library books in 2020, but for someone who uses the library constantly, being without it for two months due to the pandemic was an Experience, in more ways than one.

I had plenty of time to read, since I was home so much, and it was good to sink into the rhythm of carrying a book around my apartment with me from room to room, to stash a book in the car when I did go somewhere. Unfortunately, I read a lot of two and three star books in 2020, for reasons that I’ll get to shortly.

First, the numbers: in 2020, I read 128 books, a 13% decrease from 2019. While I did not set a numeric goal for my books and am happy with that number, I was curious about the decrease. It turns out that working from home dropped my audiobook hours significantly – I only listened to 17 audiobooks in 2020, almost entirely in the first half of the year.

Quantity does not trump quality, though, and I wish I’d had more five star reads last year. Unfortunately, I did that to myself. When the library shut down from March through May, I was limited to the books in my apartment and the ebooks I could access through the library’s app. Reading through some of the books on my shelves and in my roommate’s collection was fantastic, since I tend to check out library books like some people shop at Target. I found several new favorites that had been in the same apartment as me all along, including one that inspired me to finish writing my first novel.

But I’m very picky about which books I read as ebooks and which books I read in print, and I don’t like reading books that I suspect I’ll love as ebooks. Reading on my phone messes with my experience of the book. (Just try reading a 500 page fantasy novel on your phone and see how you feel about that.) So although I did want to read the ebooks I borrowed, I only picked books I didn’t expect to love and was rarely proven wrong. Then when the library reopened for me to request physical books, I ended up with still more mediocre reads, because it’s tricky to pull myself out of a book slump once it’s started.

Never fear, though. Despite the so-so ebooks that litter my 2020 book list, I did read some amazing books and am thrilled to share them. A quick note: I read a wide variety of books that have all kinds of content, so this is a blanket content warning for any and all books I mention. If you have questions about a particular book, just ask!

The Book I Finally Read:

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke

During the early 19th century, England’s magic revives in the form of two magicians, whose very different ideas about magic lead both to a final reckoning with the legend of the Raven King and the dark magic of the fairies. Readers who prefer fast paced plots need not tackle this book; topping out at over 800 pages, the novel is subtle and slow, layer upon layer of plot and character elements rising quietly to its climax. The beautifully crafted prose pays homage to classic British literature; the meticulously researched historical context provides an incredible backdrop to characters flawed yet sympathetic; deep reflections on myths, magic, history, warfare, politics, and mundane life are woven throughout the story. While the two main characters are British gentlemen, subplots focused on women, servants, and minority characters also provide clever social critique to contrast the central narratives. While I’ve owned this book for at least six years, I had no clue how enthralling it would turn out to be.

The Saddest Book:

Irena’s Children: The Extraordinary Story of the Woman Who Saved 2,500 Children from the Warsaw Ghetto by Tilar J. Mazzeo

A young Polish social worker risked her life to save 2,500 children from the Warsaw ghetto during the Nazi occupation. Sometimes called the female Oskar Schindler, Irena Sendler was deeply concerned about poor Jewish families and the strong anti-Semitism in Poland prior to the Nazi invasion. When the Nazis herded Warsaw’s Jewish population into the ghetto, Irena began knocking on doors and convincing Jewish parents to entrust their children to her. She enlisted a network of ordinary people to help her smuggle children out of the ghetto and hide them with Polish families, at extreme risk for everyone involved. But not only did Irena save the children, she also saved their identities, keeping records of each child in the hopes of reuniting them with their families after the war. This book chronicles the absolute decimation of the Warsaw Jews, the devastation of Warsaw, and the heartbreak of a war that ended with Poland in the hands of the Soviets and children with their entire families dead. I rarely cry while reading, but this book left tears streaming down my face more than once.

The Best Non-Fiction:

Factory Girls: From Village to City in a Changing China by Leslie T. Chang

China’s factories are powered by millions of young migrant workers from rural regions, a sociologically significant movement of epic proportions illustrated by the stories of two young women. We all know what “Made in China” means when we see it, but who are the people manufacturing these items? The factory cities are complex and fast-paced, places where ambitious workers can get three different jobs in two months and each time gain better wages and positions simply through a few English classes, places where losing a cell phone severs all connection with friends and boyfriends since no one stays in the same place long enough to be found again, places where many workers endure abysmal working conditions because it’s still better than being jobless back home. Leslie Chang provides the historical context for China’s great migration through tracing her family history and shares the intimate stories of two modern young women through three years in Dongguan. My life is nothing like these women’s, but I saw pieces of myself in their hopes and dreams and struggles, as Chang offers a glimpse into the individual lives of the flood of workers who powered China’s economic rise.

The Other Best Non-Fiction:

Prairie Fires: The American Dreams of Laura Ingalls Wilder by Caroline Fraser

While the Little House books are beloved to generations of readers, Laura Ingalls Wilder’s life was far more complicated than her books portray. The Little House books were the foundational books of my childhood: they’re the first chapter books my mom read to me, and the first book I ever read myself was Little House in the Big Woods as a picture book. This book lifts the curtain and places Laura’s story in the context of history and reality, not only tracing her life and those of her parents and daughter, but also diving into the many forces that shaped the Ingalls and Wilder families. I had never thought much about the immense poverty, tragedy, and suffering Laura and her family experienced when I remember the Little House books, but this book will never allow me to forget again. From the actual chronology of Laura’s life to the parts she left out of her books to her adulthood and her daughter’s wild and fascinating life, no stone is left unturned, including the complex process of writing the books themselves. A brilliant, must read book, for anyone who has ever loved the Little House books or is fascinated by the history of the American West.

The Best Historical Fiction:

Genghis: Birth of an Empire by Conn Iggulden

Before he was Genghis Khan, he was Temujin, a boy of the steppes surviving a brutally difficult adolescence while dreaming of uniting the Mongol tribes. Book one of five, it covers the first two decades of Temujin’s life in vivid, painfully sharp detail. The characterization is absolutely top notch, particularly for Temujin’s brothers, wife, and mother. Historical fiction sometimes has trouble with depicting real historical figures as fully rounded characters rather than stereotypes or cardboard cutouts, but Temujin always felt like a living, breathing person who might walk off the page at any moment. The steppes and Mongol tribal culture came to life through the rich, powerful descriptions. I devoured this book in two sittings, loved experiencing a culture and worldview vastly unlike mine, and am fully invested in reading the rest of the series as well as picking up nonfiction about Genghis Khan and the Mongol empire.

The Book I Learned the Most From:

Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson

Through the story of the Equal Justice Initiative, the many horrendously unjust pieces of America’s justice system are unveiled, embodied in the lives of the many people trapped within that system, such as Walter McMillian. I’ve never personally encountered the justice system, so this book was a revelation to me. The devastating cases of people who have lost everything due to false convictions, including their freedom and their dignity as human beings, the absolute injustice of a system that penalizes poor people for being poor and Black people for being black, and the unbelievable callousness of judges, juries, and prison officials have forever changed my my understanding of justice. Bryan Stevenson lays bare the desperate situations of thousands of prisoners and death row inhabitants, the fierce opposition against his pursuit of truth for his clients, and EJI’s fight to save children sentenced to life in prison. Every page I read horrified me more – it’s not an easy book, but it is vitally important.

Bonus: When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present by Gail Collins

Gail Collins chronicles the sweeping societal changes American women experienced over the fifty years from 1960 to 2008, illustrating those changes through the lives of the dozens of women she interviewed.

The Most Powerful Novel:

Beartown by Fredrick Backman

A small, fading town’s hopes rest on the junior hockey team’s performance in the national semi-finals, but when a young girl is violently assaulted, every person in town must reckon with their own darkness and motivations. This book is incredible: powerful storytelling, heartbreaking themes, and wonderful prose. Fredrik Bachman’s characters are astonishingly real; he refused to let me paint anyone with a good/bad paradigm and instead delves into each character’s motivations and experiences with such depth and clarity that I understood each of them, including the antagonists, even as he never condones all of their actions and behavior. It’s rare that I encounter characters this compelling and true to the human experience. The story addresses really hard issues of responsibility, power, courage, and friendship, yet it never preaches and instead lets the characters do the talking. I couldn’t put the book down and the ending just blew me away.

The Best Spiritual Memoir:

Resurrection Year: Turning Broken Dreams into New Beginnings by Sheridan Voysey

After a decade of unsuccessfully trying to have children, Sheridan and Merryn Voysey close the door on their hopes of parenthood and spend a year reimagining their lives and wrestling with the pain of shattered dreams. Simple, quiet prose paints a clear picture of how deeply their faith was shaken when God did not answer their prayers for children and the long journey they take to find God’s goodness in the midst of the pain. While Merryn resurrects her career aspirations and takes a prestigious job in Oxford, England, Sheridan gives up his career and his identity as a radio host to support his wife as they move from Australia to England. This book spoke to my soul, and is for anyone who has carried the pain of broken dreams, for anyone who has questions for God and isn’t finding answers in the rote platitudes the church so often offers, for anyone who has given up their identity, and for anyone who is asking what happens now.

The Book That Restored My Faith In Humanity:

The Day the World Came to Town: 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland by Jim DeFede

On 9/11, thirty-eight jets en route to the US were forced to land on Newfoundland Island, flooding the small town of Gander with nearly 7,000 exhausted and scared passengers. Over the next four days, the people of Gander threw open their homes and their hearts, caring for the passengers as if they were family. From collecting toys for the children to respectfully accommodating passengers from other cultures to helping passengers get in contact with family members across the world, the kindness and generosity of the townspeople made an enormous impact on the people stranded there. No detail was too small to care for, no person too unimportant for gentle generosity, including the pets trapped aboard the planes. In a year when fear and suffering seem to be overwhelming the world, this book helped me remember that when we as humans are kind and generous with each other, we can help carry each other’s burdens and bring a little goodness into dark places.

Then there was a backlist fantasy title by one of my favorite authors, several powerful memoirs, and a hilariously specific alternate history novel. I’m still devouring an Israeli spy series I started last year, and went deep into a heavy tome about the enneagram. I also did more rereading more than I usually do, and was thrilled to find that one of the books I loved as a teenager stood the test of time and was as good as I remembered.

Come find me on Goodreads so you can see me review books all year long with two word reviews for the books I loved and five paragraph reviews for the books I didn’t! Convincing other people to hang out on Goodreads with me is one of my favorite things – Instagram’s got nothing compared to my favorite social media app. Why would I stalk your stories when I can stalk your books?

I have a long list of books I’m excited to read in 2021, including lots of sequels in fantasy series I’ve already started, A Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard, the story of a terrible blizzard, and Rachael Denhollander’s memoir. Hopefully I’ll also pick up a C.S. Lewis book or two and a few rereads. Will this be the year I attempt War and Peace? We shall see!

I’m currently on a library fast, because why not, and am looking forward to the end of February when I will be requesting books like there’s no tomorrow. Right now I’m reading about a Jewish couple in Germany just prior to WWII and am excited to pick up a biography of Secretariat next. When it’s cold outside, there’s no better place to be than curled up indoors with a book.

Happy reading, everyone!

Reading Recap 2019: A Bajillion Books

I thought I read a lot of books in 2018. But last year I blew that out of the water by somehow reading 146 books! Now, 35%, or 52, of those were audiobooks, so it’s not like I sat down and read all of them. Audiobooks mean multitasking, which is a huge bonus. I also never watch TV or movies, so all my story consumption comes from reading. About 63% of the books are nonfiction, but only 13% were not narrative driven (mostly spiritual formation with the occasional investing or time management book thrown in the mix).

I didn’t set a reading goal this year, since I wanted to see how many books I picked up without a numerical finish line in sight. It worked so well, I surprised myself! And of course I’m not setting a goal for 2020 after that stellar reading year. Can I make it to 150? Who knows! I’m not stressing about it.

But reading so much means I read a ton of amazing books. Choosing which books to feature in 2019’s reading recap was agony. If you want to jumpstart your own reading life with top notch books, or have a weird interest in survival stories like I do, boy have I got recommendations for you!

As a heads up, I read a huge variety of books with all kinds of content, and so this is a blanket content warning for any and all books I mention. Please ask if you have any questions about a specific book. (There’s a lot of gruesome death and cannibalism in those survival stories, yo.)

Okay, on to the books!

The Saddest Book:

The Indifferent Stars Above: The Harrowing Saga of a Donner Party Bride by Daniel James Brown

A party of settlers treks across America to California, but disaster strikes, turning their story into the most well-known tragedy of the westward expansion. Full of terrible decisions and devastating loss, the Donner party’s journey drives some people to madness and all to the most terrible decision any starving person makes. Brown tells their story by following one young woman and her family, leading the reader to know them as people, not just names attached to a famous tragedy, and his writing does not shy away from the horrors they experienced. I learned about the Donner party in school, of course, but this book covers the full scope of the tragedy and how a series of poor decisions eventually boxed the settlers into a barren valley in the Sierra Nevada during the middle of one of the worst winters on record. Beware, this book is not for the faint of heart, but I’m fascinated by the decisions people make during unimaginable suffering and how those decisions shape their ultimate fate.

Bonus: In the Kingdom of Ice: The Grand and Terrible Polar Voyage of the USS Jeannette by Hampton Sides

In 1879, one daring explorer and his crew attempt to reach the North Pole, but when their ship sinks, they must trek a thousand miles across the ice to Siberia, fighting to survive.

The Best Trilogy:

The Winternight Trilogy: The Bear and the Nightingale, The Girl in the Tower, & The Winter of the Witch by Katherine Arden

A young Russian girl must defy her society and battle dark forces to keep the magical world of Russia – the house spirits, old gods, and mythical creatures – from being destroyed. This trilogy landed on my all-time favorites list before I even finished the first book, and the next two were more incredible than I had dared hope. It reminds me of one of my favorite books of all time, Daughter of the Forest, the highest compliment I can bestow. Vasya has to make hard choices, but she does not play to anyone’s expectations, including the reader’s. A stereotypical YA fantasy heroine she is not. She talks to horses, loves her family, and chooses her own path every time. How could I not love her? The tight prose weaves a fairytale with gorgeous descriptions, fully realized characters, and a heart-rending coming of age story. If you like your fantasy with a historical bent, full of fairytale magic and wonderful characters, this trilogy is for you.

The Best Memoir:

Daring to Drive: A Saudi Woman’s Awakening by Manal al-Sharif

A woman born and raised in Mecca tells her story of awakening from Islamic fundamentalism and finding herself at the center of the Saudi women’s campaign to drive their own cars. A deeply intimate look at a world Westerners literally can never enter, this memoir demonstrates the power of a single woman to make a difference. I was fascinated, disturbed, and awed by the Saudi Arabia Manal introduces me to: a country where women are nearly powerless, where families battle poverty in the geographic heart of Islam while the Saudi rulers hold enormous wealth, and where education truly changes lives. Manal bares raw and personal parts of her life, and inspires and challenges with her sheer courage to drive, against everything her entire culture holds sacred.

The Best Spiritual Book:

Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life by Emily P. Freeman

Living as a good girl is deeply exhausting and painful, but Jesus sets us free. Emily P. Freeman’s beautiful, gentle prose provides a path toward that freedom for every woman who doesn’t have a dramatic testimony, a clear before Jesus and after Jesus story. It’s no exaggeration to say this book changed my life; it lifted a weight from my shoulders I didn’t know how to set down by myself. Being a good girl means wearing a mask before other people and before God, but God wants more from us and for us. You won’t find any shame or burdensome lists of what we ought to be doing for God in this book, only the truth that God delights in exactly who we are now, this moment. If you have a young woman in your life who bears the good girl reputation and all that comes with that, Emily also has a book for her that presents the same truths: Graceful.

Bonus: Reaching for the Invisible God by Philip Yancey

Being in relationship with an invisible God is more difficult and incredible than anything else we do in this life and is a profound and painful mystery.

The Most Fun Book:

A Year of Living Prayerfully: How A Curious Traveler Met the Pope, Walked on Coals, Danced with Rabbis, and Revived His Prayer Life by Jared Brock

Two millennials go on a year-long quest to reawaken their prayer lives and explore prayer practices of Christian denominations ranging from ancient Orthodox monasteries to modern name it and claim it preachers. The sheer breadth of the traditions and beliefs Jared Brock explores astonished me. He visits Jerusalem, Rome, and the largest church in the world, located in South Korea. Only in this book will you find bemused commentary on the author’s experience visiting a Hasidic Jewish community as well as acute observations on Catholic saints and their monasteries. I couldn’t put this book down and was captivated by how much I didn’t know about the history of Christian prayer traditions. He even visits Westboro Baptist and lurks outside Billy Graham’s compound trying to snag a visit. After all, he got to meet the pope using a similar strategy!

Bonus: The Long Haul: A Trucker’s Tales of Life on the Road by Finn Murphy

A trucker tells stories about his decades as a mover, giving you the wry behind the scenes look at the moving industry you didn’t know you wanted.

The Most Beautiful Book:

Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion by Greg Boyle

How does love change a life? By showing a gang member he is worthy, loved, and known, then officiating his funeral days later. Father Greg Boyle has spent decades working with the deadliest gangs of Los Angeles through Homeboy Industries, providing jobs and second (and third, fourth, fifth) chances to the young men and women trapped in the cycle of poverty and gang violence. This book captures the beautiful and devastating stories of these men and women in thematic essays on love, redemption, grief, and hope. Sometimes it’s only when the trappings of life fall away that we truly understand what it means to love each other, and Boyle writes about human frailty and compassion with equal frankness. Not only is this book thematically gorgeous, it’s also beautiful, simple writing that goes straight to the bones of what matters.

The Best Thriller:

The Marsh King’s Daughter by Karen Dionne

Set in the Upper Peninsula, this dark suspense novel introduces Helena, the daughter of a kidnap victim and her kidnapper, just as her father escapes from prison. Raised in isolation, without running water or electricity, Helena has built a life for herself beyond her origin, but to protect her daughters and husband, she must face her origin and track down her father, the man who taught her to survive in the marsh. The flashback scenes are as riveting as the present scenes, the psychological intensity building in both past and present until Helena comes face to face with her father again. It’s not often I find books set in Michigan, but this one has a strong sense of place and Michiganders will delight in the author’s attention to detail, with references to the bridge, Marquette and Northern Michigan University, Tahquamenon Falls, Yoopers’ unique culture and challenges, and more. Most thrillers let me down at the end, but this one kept me on the edge of my seat until the very end.

The Book I Learned the Most From:

Somebody’s Daughter: The Hidden Story of America’s Prostituted Children and the Battle to Save Them by Julian Sher

Human trafficking in America isn’t limited to women and girls brought across the borders, and prostitution isn’t limited to adult women living in poverty. The problem of child prostitution is complex and far reaching; Julian Sher follows the stories of several girls as they drift in and out of prostitution and come into contact with different pimps, law enforcement, and social services. He explores the organizations, most founded by former prostitutes, who are fighting for these girls, and he digs into police departments and FBI units who battle the pimps, the attitudes of their colleagues and society, and the desperate circumstances of the girls themselves. His point is clear: child prostitutes are not prostitutes; they are victims of the men who prey on them. This book was hard to read, but it’s vitally important.

Bonus: Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, a Man Who Would Cure the World by Tracy Kidder

Dr. Paul Farmer is fighting to cure the world, one disease at a time, starting with AIDS in Haiti and tuberculosis in countries from Russia to Peru.

The Best Nonfiction:

The Tiger: A True Story of Vengeance and Survival by John Vaillant

It’s 1997, and a man-eating tiger is terrorizing a village in Russia’s Far East. A perfect kaleidoscope of my favorite topics: Russia, tigers, and survival, this book was basically made for me, but it’s also brilliantly written. John Vaillant takes the reader on a journey through the effect of post-Soviet chaos on the Far East, the history of tigers in the region, the struggles the remote villages faced, and the battle Russian officials waged against poachers and their own government to protect the Amur tiger. He writes the stories of the tigers and the people with elegant detail, and the man-eating tiger’s menace leaps off the page as the hunters track it down. The sheer amount of research he did, including visiting the villages and talking to the people who lived through the terrifying episode, is remarkable. I listened to this book on audio, and immediately decided to buy my own copy, which almost never happens to me.

I could also tell you about the historical fiction set in the Arctic with a supernatural horror element that I read during the Polar Vortex, the enormous literary Western, and the historical non-fiction from freshman year in college that I loved enough to read again. But I’ll stop here.

Reading 146 books this year didn’t put much of a dent in my TBR, though. Trying to decide which books are worthy of my time helped me abandon more books half-finished than I’ve ever dropped before. Here’s to DNF’ing more books in the future!

If you want to see what I’m reading all year round, come find me on Goodreads! I love to make new Goodreads friends so I can stalk follow your reading life – discovering new books and quirky interests through other people is the best.

I already have my “excited to read next” list drawn up for 2020, which I realize might give you spontaneous folks hives, but makes me feel super pumped to get started. I’ll be trying my first Madeleine L’Engle book since A Wrinkle in Time as a kid, reading a whole bunch more fantasy books and survival stories, finally reading the big habit book of the past couple years, and maybe I’ll get around to the Shakespeare play I didn’t read last year.

Last January my library was closed for carpet replacement, so I stuck to my own books and my roommate’s books for the whole month. This January I have a (large) library fine (darn you, 900-page Peter the Great biography!), so I’m staying clear until my hold comes in, then I’ll pay off my debt. I’ll be reading books a friend lent me, rereading some of my own well-worn copies, and digging through my roommate’s shelves again. Basically, living the bookworm life.

Happy reading, everyone!

2018 Reading Recap: Reaching for the Goal

Creating 2017’s reading recap was so fun that I’ve done it again for 2018! Once more I put myself through the difficult process of choosing books to highlight from my reading life last year, which is also a highly enjoyable process. I met my goal of reading 80 books, although I’ll admit I had to knock out two shorter ones on December 31st, and so many of those books forced me stay up late for just one more chapter.

Three books in my current pile…

While my To Be Read list grows faster than I can finish books, I don’t want to forget the best ones I read in 2018, so I’m sharing them to convince other readers that these are books worth devoting time to.

Remember, I read a wide variety of genres with varying content, so I’m issuing a blanket content warning for any and all books I mention online. Use your own discretion for your comfort level, and feel free to ask me about the books I’ve read.

Do you want to read more but don’t know what books to pick up? You aren’t alone; lots of people struggle with that. There are tons of ways to find good books, but finding the right book for you can be a different story.

I recommend Modern Mrs. Darcy and the podcast What Should I Read Next, or you can ask the readers in your life if they have any recommendations for you. Don’t be afraid to put a book down unfinished if it’s not for you – there are too many good books in this world to waste precious reading time on a book that you don’t like. (I need to take my own advice!)

Let’s do this!

The Book I Finally Read: 

His Majesty’s Dragon by Naomi Novik

In the middle of the Napoleonic Wars, a young naval officer accidentally bonds a dragon hatchling and his entire life changes. I love a good fantasy where the worldbuilding is so matter of fact that no one blinks at the wild and unusual places the author’s imagination goes, and this book has that in spades. Nineteenth century Europe with dragon, aerial corps fighting in some of the biggest battles between Napoleon and the rest of Europe, all narrated in Regency prose. This book has been on my TBR for ten years, ever since I saw a 4-H friend reading it before bed on a club trip to the Rolex Kentucky. My friend was killed in a car accident three years later, as a college sophomore, and I’m so glad I finally read the book, with her in mind.

The Best Spiritual Book: 

What’s So Amazing About Grace? by Phillip Yancey

An exploration of grace at the levels of ordinary life and overarching church culture, this book is remarkably relevant for being twenty years old. I was challenged, inspired, and humbled by Yancey’s words. It’s filled with true stories and simple prose, and Yancey shares some of his own journey toward grace. Our world is full of anger, bitterness, and hatred, but this book challenges us to take a hard look at ourselves and ask if we are truly ambassadors of God’s grace to the world, or if we are doling it out only to the ones we think deserve it. I think it says a lot that we as a church are struggling to give grace to the same people we struggled with twenty years ago, and I think this book offers powerful thoughts to consider.

The Book I learned the Most From:

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand

An Olympic runner joins the Army Air Forces, is stranded at sea, becomes a Japanese POW, and somehow survives to tell the story. Not only is Louis Zamperini’s story an incredible tale of grit and bravery, with an amazing twist toward the end, but I learned so much about the Pacific front of the war that I was completely unaware of. From the thousands of POWs, the terrible accident rate of the planes and their crews, and the sheer enormity of the war, Hillenbrand provides mountains of detail without ever losing her narrative. If you never read another book about the Pacific front, read this one – she’s a powerful storyteller and you won’t be disappointed.

The Most Fun Book: 

The Secret Horses of Briar Hill by Megan Shepherd

A young girl, living in a hospital with other children in the English countryside, finds that one of the winged horses she sees in the mirrors every day has entered her world. An absolute delight, this book would have been one of my favorites if it had existed when I was a child (although it’s high on the list for me even now). Not only does the girl have a special bond with a winged horse, she has to protect the horse by collecting objects of specific hues of color while also living with the realities of life during WWII in an English hospital. Whimsical while dealing with serious themes, strongly influenced by The Chronicles of Narnia, I highly recommend this book for younger readers.

The Saddest Book:

Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick

A journalist traces the stories of six North Koreans over fifteen years, through the death of Kim Il-sung, the rise of Kim Jong-il, and the devastating famine that killed millions of people. For me, North Korea has always been a vaguely menacing, partially absurd Communist dictatorship on the other side of the world that I knew little about. Now I know quite a bit, and it’s all heartbreaking. Demick vividly sketches the country’s slow grind toward industrial death, economic collapse, and starvation, and the wide gulf between south and north becomes ever more stark and terrible, depicted on a personal level by the six North Koreans and their stories. This book was written prior to Kim Jong-il’s death and his son assuming control of the country, and I would love to find an update detailing the changes – if any – that a new regime and the immense shaping of the world by the internet has brought to a country so isolated.

Bonus: Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison

A foster mom tells the stories of just a few of the dozens of children she has fostered, and I cried at several points (which I rarely do for books). Yet somehow, the book also fosters hope.

The Best Nonfiction Book: 

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls

A family’s story is never simple, particularly a story that begins with charismatic parents chasing wonder and nonconformity on a nomadic trip across the country, stops in a poor mining town where the children must employ all their grit to carve out a life from intense neglect, and reaches New York City, where the children build lives as empowered adults and their parents choose homelessness. The beautiful, clear prose is nothing compared to Walls’ ability to present her family’s story as she saw it unfolding with no hindsight, no bias, and no filters. Her childhood was both magical and terrible, sometimes simultaneously, and I recommend this book as an incredible memoir.

The Most Evocative Fantasy: 

The Golem and the Jinni by Helen Wecker

A golem and a jinni find themselves in New York City at the turn of the century, meeting by chance, and their opposite natures bring them together yet push them apart as they seek to create lives for themselves in the shifting chaos of the city. With the magic of folktales and literature, Yiddish and Middle Eastern culture, history and fantasy all woven together in one story, this book is compulsively readable. It brought me back to my middle school days of devouring fairytales by the dozens (although this book is not intended for youngsters). The prose is clear and elegant, but the characters really shine. Chava and Ahmad come to life (literally, in Chava’s case) through their emotional journeys, and although the book doesn’t end quite where I wanted it to, I was delighted to discover that a sequel is in the works.

You may have noticed that I mostly chose books for the same categories as last year, but that I replaced the favorite category. This year I read a lot of books that I loved, so I couldn’t bring myself to pick just one favorite. Last year was an anomaly!

I could share dozens more fantastic books, such as the two Guy Gavriel Kay titles I loved, the multiple memoirs and nonfiction narratives that taught me so much about other peoples’ lives and worlds, or the quiet dystopian novel that surprised me with its power, but I won’t overwhelm your TBR list.

If you want to keep up with what I’m reading all year, I post on Goodreads regularly, so come friend me! I do confess that I want you to friend me so that I can stalk follow your reading life – my TBR list is always ready for more titles.

In 2018, I read Jane Eyre, the final Harry Potter book, and a Shakespeare play (Titus Andronicus), just as I intended to, and in 2019, my priority list includes Persuasion, The Merchant of Venice, and The Martian.

This year, I’m not setting a goal for my reading life. I originally set goals to help kickstart my reading habit again after graduating from college, but now I want to see how many books I tear through without the numeric finish line taunting me. Also, I want to reread some old favorites, and I’m not inclined to do that with a goal, for whatever reason.

Right now I’m going to go finish a thriller with characters that are pretty boring (so maybe I should actually just put it down for good…). My library is closed for carpet replacement for most of January (so sad!), so I’m currently limited to books from my own shelves, with a few thrown in from my roommate’s collection. Time for those rereads!

Happy reading, everyone!

2017 Reading Recap: Books, Books, and More Books

Library books for the win! I still haven’t read The Golem and the Jinni…

This year was a really good year for my reading life. Two days ago I finished reading my 75th book of the year and achieved my goal, which was especially exciting because the last 2 years I was too busy reading fanfiction to read enough books to meet my goal. Oops.

I read a lot of great books this year, and quite a few books that made me say, “Meh.” But because I want to share the book love, I’m going to share some of the most memorable books I read this year.

Two notes before I dig in:

First, if you like reading or want to get back into the habit, set a reading goal for yourself! Find books you think you’ll really love, not books you think you ought to read. Don’t compare your reading goal to anyone else’s, either. I read 75 books, and am aiming for more next year, but I am a literal speed reader. People who read at normal speed can’t keep up with me, and that’s okay. Don’t let comparison keep you from enjoying some fantastic books in 2018.

Second, I read books of many genres and varieties, so I’m issuing a blanket potential content warning for all the books I tell you about. Use your own judgment and feel free to ask me about any book I have read.

Here we go!

The Book I Finally Read: 

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling

A boy discovers he’s a wizard and gets to attend magic school while an evil wizard tries repeatedly to kill him. I missed out on the Harry Potter books as a kid, and in college thought I was too old for the series, but in January I decided this would be the year I finally read Harry Potter. And wow, was I missing out! These books are just so much fun, and there’s so much packed into the story that anyone can find something to love. I read books 1-6 this year, but didn’t quite make it to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. If you like fantasy, children’s literature and YA, or just want to finally be in the know, you should definitely give the first book a try.

The Best Spiritual Book: 

Gray Matter: A Neurosurgeon Discovers the Power of Prayer… One Patient at a Time by David I. Levy

A neurosurgeon begins asking patients if he can pray with them before surgery, and the results are incredible and fascinating. I read quite a few books this year about missionaries, incredible conversion stories, and persecution of Christians that were all moving and important, but this book stands alone for me. I often make prayer a complicated thing in my head, but this surgeon’s simple and quiet prayers with people facing intense medical situations strips away any eloquence or trappings, and I found myself convicted of the power of prayer, quite unrelated to the words I use or the length of the prayer I pray.

The Book I Learned the Most From: 

Slave: My True Story by Mende Nazer

A twelve-year-old Sudanese girl is kidnapped and sold into slavery to an Arab family in Khartoum, Sudan, before finally escaping seven years later, thousands of miles away from home in London, England. I still don’t know much about modern slavery or its victims, let alone the terrible conflicts raging through Sudan in the past several decades, but Mende’s story gave me a glimpse into a world far removed from anything I have ever experienced. Her courage despite her enslavement and abuse humbles me. Bonus book: Tears of the Desert: A Memoir of Survival in Darfur by Halima Bashir presents the story of a female Sudanese doctor who grew up and worked in the middle of the conflict, before fleeing to England for safety.

The Most Fun Book: 

No Biking in the House Without a Helmet by Melissa Faye Green

An American family decides that four kids is not enough, and adopts five more from Bulgaria and Ethiopia, leading to the hilarious, poignant stories Melissa shares about the trials and joys of international adoption and her big, crazy family. With nine kids, including four teenage boys, nothing is ever quiet for long around this house. This book touches a lot of serious topics, but the humor and joy Melissa writes with make it a delight to read. I haven’t read many memoirs yet, but I think this one will stay at the top of my list for a long time to come.

The Saddest Book: 

Night by Elie Wiesel

The horrific autobiographical account of one teenager’s survival in a Nazi death camp, and how he lost everything. It’s a very difficult book to read because of the absolute horrors Elie Wiesel endured and witnessed. I was unaware this was a classic Holocaust account until I read it, but the author’s spare and haunting prose makes it unforgettable. How could humans do such monstrous things to each other? The death camps cannot be allowed to vanish into the murk of history.

The Best Nonfiction Book: 

Evidence Not Seen: A Woman’s Miraculous Faith in the Jungles of World War II by Darlene Deibler Rose

The story of a young missionary’s survival and faith in the jungles of New Guinea and through four years in a Japanese prison camp. I was humbled by Darlene’s faith in the middle of terror, abuse, and isolation. She lost her husband and her health during those four years, but she never lost her trust in the Lord. She and the other Christians she was imprisoned with spread the gospel and served their fellow prisoners without ceasing. This book is an incredible testimony!

My Favorite Book:

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison

The half-goblin youngest son of the emperor is recalled from exile when his father and older brothers are killed, and is thrust into a court of danger, prejudice, and intrigue as the last surviving heir to a throne he has no idea what to do with. I read a lot of awesome fantasy books this year, but I adored this book above all others. Maia, the new emperor, is completely unprepared for the complexity and turmoil of his new court, and struggles to deal with the psychological damage of his father abandoning him to exile and his mother’s death while learning to be a ruler. Yet he is one of the kindest fantasy protagonist I have ever met, and ultimately it is that kindness which allows him to survive and thrive as emperor. The worldbuilding, lovely prose, and fascinating use of pronouns only add to the sheer delight I experienced while reading this book.

I could tell you about so many more books I read this year alone, including the 1200 page epic fantasy novel that was book 75, or the fascinating story of a nineteen-year-old Alaskan schoolteacher, but that would require writing a novel of a blog post.

So instead, check out my Goodreads account! You’ll find all the books I read in 2017 as well as previous years, and my enormous TBR list. I’m so excited for all the books I’ll read in 2018, and I’d love to hear what you’re going to read! My 2018 list includes Jane Eyre, the final Harry Potter, more books by Guy Gavriel Kay, because he’s amazing, and a Shakespeare play that I have yet to choose. But first I have to finish the books due back at the library in just a few days…

Happy reading!

Reflections on “The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven”

Perhaps more than any other minority group, Native Americans face a continual struggle to find a place in modern society and culture. They have been relegated to reservations and must overcome huge challenges to find their way anywhere else. Their entire culture and history has been romanticized and reparations for their tragedies and suffering have never been fully paid. Sherman Alexie’s short story collection, The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven, chronicles the barriers and despair that his people grapple with every day.

Alexie’s characters live with the past hanging over their heads, unable to move on or forget their ancestors. The white people remind them when they idealize the past and see modern Native Americans as their ancestors; they are unwilling to see them as they are now, because that would mean recognizing the poverty and racism that traps the young and talented on the reservations. The Indians themselves simultaneously long to be like their ancestors and are ashamed that they do not live up to the picture of those ancestors. When Victor and his two friends take a new drug, it sends them into an ideal world. In this world, Victor is an Indian warrior stealing a black pony, Thomas is a dancer so powerful that he sends the white men back to where they came from, restoring the Indians’ lands, and Junior is a famous guitar player in a world where the Indians won and the president is an Indian. Each boy represents a futile dream that means nothing in the real world, because it is not possible.

Thomas Builds-the-Fire is ostracized, even as a boy, because he tells stories and cannot stop telling stories. He is just as trapped on the reservation as the rest of his peers, but they hate him because he does not stop dreaming. His stories take the present and join it with the past. As a boy, when he jumps off the roof of the school, “for a second, he hovered, suspended above all the other Indian boys who were too smart or too scared to jump” (70). He also speaks truth and faces reality for what it is. Most Indians try to drown reality in alcohol, which works only temporarily, but Thomas knows before anyone else that Victor’s dad will leave. He is also the only one willing to help Victor claim his father’s ashes and belongings. Reality and dreams are both possible for Thomas, and he knows the truth of surviving is to take care of each other.

Alexie also explores the perpetual cycle that traps his people. Basketball could be a ticket off the reservation for some of the boys, but they all fall prey to alcohol, the savior and bane of the Indians. As Victor and his friend sit and drink, they reminisce about reservation basketball stars of the past, including Victor himself. But not one of them has made it. Their heroes are young kids who happen to be good at basketball, and to some extent, Victor and his friend recognize how sad that is, that their heroes crash and burn before they are even legal drinking age. When one of those heroes falls, the reservation’s hopes fall with him.

Alcohol holds a place in every story in the collection. Sometimes it is a small role, sometimes a big role, but it is ever present, just as it permeates every home on the reservation. It allows the Indians to escape their miserable reality, but it also traps them within that reality. It destroys hopes and relationships, but it is one thing from the past they can hold onto, even if it destroyed their ancestors just as it destroys them.

Sherman Alexie does not hesitate to portray life as it truly is for his people, but he never forgets the hopes and possibilities that each new generation searches for, and one day, someone just might break free.

I See My World In Books

I’ve been a reader for as long as I can remember. I’ve read more books than I can count, but some stand out because I love them so much.

When I finally got my own library card, my parents gave me a big rolling backpack for Christmas, so that I could fit all my library books in one bag. The librarians smiled when they saw me coming with my 30+ books to check out. I’m a very fast reader, so I always had to check out lots of books to survive from one library trip to another. In the summer reading programs the library put on, I challenged myself to read a hundred books one year, one hundred twenty-five the next. Of course, this was before I had a job, so I had lots of time for reading.

When I was little, my mom read me the entire Little House on the Prairie series, as well as a series of missionary books. I still remember reading ahead in one of the missionary books and then feeling guilty when my mom realized what I’d done. She wasn’t disappointed that I’d disobeyed or lied to her; she was disappointed that I had read ahead without her, that I had created a dissonance in our reading time together.

My memories of books are often tied to what I was eating, or doing, or feeling when I read them for the first time. I remember reading the entire Jedi Apprentice series, consisting of about twenty 100-page books, on one long car ride down to Tennessee. I read a huge amount of Lurlene McDaniel books on Tennessee car rides, and later, dozens of Star Trek books on other Tennessee journeys.

The first time I read Eye of the World, the first Wheel of Time book, I was sitting in my car on my lunch break at work, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I later read the rest of the series in my dorm room at school that fall, except for book four, which I read mostly during several days of a camping trip that August, and finished it at breakfast one day.

The Scarlet Pimpernel was on my list of classics to read, and I started it at a horse show one summer, but I was so tired that the words were swimming on the page in front of me, so I finished it in my car during a lunch break, over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches once again. I read a lot of books during lunch breaks. One book I did read at a horse show and stayed wide awake for was Matthew Stover’s novelization of The Revenge of the Sith, the third Star Wars movie.

I read Ender’s Game one summer day over lunch, and I meant to put it down and save the rest for that evening, as I was planning to go to the barn, but I could not stop until I had finished it. It was that intense. I remember reading Inheritance in bed one Saturday. I’d been waiting several years for that book, as it was the last in a series. I did not put it down until I had finished it, and that book is at least 700 pages long. (And utterly underwhelming.)

I love the books by Jim Kjelgaard: old style tales of dogs and men and other animals in the wild, fighting for their lives and relationships with each other. Jack London’s Call of the Wild and White Fang were also staples of my childhood, which I still adore. The book by Joanna Campbell, Battlecry Forever, still makes me cry at the end. To this day, The Black Stallion is one of my favorite books of all time, and I credit that book with fueling my childhood desire for a black stallion of my own.

National Velvet, Black Beauty, and the Phantom Stallion series fed my horse obsession. The Han Solo Trilogy fed my Star Wars obsession. The Warriors and Redwall series convinced me that animals are just like people, only with a different perspective. Julie of the Wolves and My Side of the Mountain made me fall in love with wolves and falcons, and now I have the (probably unhealthy) desire to be lost in the wilderness for a few months. Nancy Drew, however, did not interest me in being a detective.

My speed-reading abilities enable me to avoid putting a book down until I have finished it. I will confess that I have very carefully read books in the shower when I was so enamored that I could not bear to part from them for even a few minutes. So many of my nights have lasted far beyond my bedtime, and I’ve perfected the art of tucking a flashlight between my neck and the pillow as I stay awake for just one more chapter, only to discover that the book is finished and it’s three in the morning. I have avoided countless assignments by reading. When I was little, my mom had to search the bathroom every night to find the books I thought I had hidden, in order to prevent me from disappearing into the bathroom for hours on end.

My bookshelves are crammed, and I have become very creative in shelving them. If you stack the smaller ones this way and adjust this shelf to this height, you can fit three more in this space! It’s not easy to pull books off the shelves because they are jammed so tightly. I can never have too many books.

I have lived dozens of lives through books, explored this world and many others, and had my heart ripped out by fictional characters both animal and human.

I am a bibliophile and book addict. I’d never want to be anything else.